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Shepherds Hill Homestead » God's Plan for the Happy Home, Messages » God’s Plan for a Happy Home-Part II

God’s Plan for a Happy Home-Part II

Last week I looked at some very foundational things for the family. The families are under attack today like never before. People of God need to know what the Word says about our role in families, what we should do and what we should not do. I mentioned in part one that it was difficult to find a properly functioning home in the Word of God. Even in the best families recorded in the Bible we see problems and mistakes. This should be a comfort to you that there is hope for your family. I made a disclaimer last week that I will repeat this week. I am covering what God says is His best for the family He ordained. Just because you do not agree with it or think its true does not change the fact that it is truth. He wants you to have His best today and only by obeying Him will you find it. You may think you can follow your own path and run your family along your wisdom. Let me say that this is why families are in trouble today and in doing so you are being set up to fail.

Suppose you decided to build a house and in your own knowledge you decided to be different. After all, you have a mind of your own. So, you go completely opposite of what logic says and you build a roof. After that you build the rooms and finally you top it off with a foundation. Your upside down house is unique and it gets all of the attention from everyone in town. You are proud of your house and glad that you did it your way. For weeks you scoff at the normal house builders and laugh at their stupidity from doing things in a traditional manner. Then the rain comes. When it does it begins to run through your floor and it drips on your head. You panic and sit out buckets to catch the water to keep it from ruining your ceiling. But it doesn’t stand long before it all falls in.

This is the logic of the world today, sad as it may seem. They believe a family is built any way they please. Even sadder is the fact that some members of the Body of Christ fail to follow what God has given us to properly build a family. Men and women just get married and expect things to work out. There are multiple passages that we will look at today and all of these are in agreement about the structure of the family. Before we look at these I want to look at an Old Testament passage. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 it speaks of the benefits of two over one. While some people may decide to remain single there are many benefits to having a family.

Let’s begin our study by looking at the role of the wife. Why do we look at that first? Because in all of these passages the wife is listed first. Lets look at Ephesians chapter five. Paul wrote this section specifically pointing out what the roles of the husband, wife and children are. That’s right-even the children have mandates to follow in the family. He speaks to wives in verses twenty-two through twenty-four. When we read this I sometimes hear women protest because the first thing we see is that wives must submit to their own husbands. I sometimes get challenged to this because there are some women who do not feel that their husbands deserve submitting to. This is one reason that it is important for women to marry a husband that they trust. If your family is already formed and you find all of this threatening it’s probably because you’re so far out of God’s plan you can’t imagine it ever working. Submission from women only works when the husband is doing his part. Look at verse twenty-three. The example is given for the husband to be like Christ is to the church. We know as Christians that we should submit to Christ and that our lives will always be best when we do. When the husband is doing his part his wife can properly submit. If he does not do what he is supposed to do it makes it very difficult for the wife to submit. Verse twenty-four says that wives should submit themselves to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ.

What is submission? It is following leadership. The word submit here comes from the Greek word meaning to arrange under, subject, obey, and to submit to one’s advice. Just as all Christians don’t submit to Jesus all the time wives may not always submit to their husbands. Jesus is infallible and husbands are not. So, should a wife submit to their husband if they believe he is wrong? It depends. If the husband is making an obvious decision strictly against the Word of God (such as robbing a bank for example) and he asks his wife to assist him I don’t think this is what Paul was speaking of. As I said above this pattern for the family holds when each member does their part. What if a woman becomes a Christian after the marriage begins and finds herself married to a man who wants nothing to do with God? Hold your place and turn to 1st Corinthians 7:12-16. Here Paul covers this situation. He states that the unbelieving spouse may be saved by your actions as a believing wife (or husband). Imagine submitting to a husband that doesn’t believe and you tell him that you are doing it because the Bible tells you so. You explain that as a Christian wife you are representing the Church and that in the Godly home he is to represent Christ. Paul says that your witness may just save him.

Submission is not being a silent partner that simply obeys a master’s command. You are his equal in every way but your role is to follow. He has the final word but it should only be with the full discussion of what he is going to do and why. My wife and I function this way. When I have a plan I discuss it with her and explain why I have decided to do something. There are times when she shows me the situation from a different perspective. This helps me in making the final decision. I have learned that she has wisdom and intuition that I don’t have. God has given her to me as a help meet and I appreciate that. She humbles me with her submission and puts me in the place of responsibility of the situation. I know that she is going to submit so instead of having to convince her that I’m right I allow her the opportunity to be part of the decision. If she can give me reason for changing course I listen to her. Ultimately, the buck stops with me so I take it seriously.

Let’s look at the other passages about the order headship order of the family and the role of wives. In 1st Peter chapter three we find another section of doctrine for the wives. The first verse says to be in subjection to your own husbands. The word “subjection” here is translated from the exact same Greek word as the word “submit” is in Ephesians five. Peter then gives the same doctrine that Paul did in 1st Corinthians chapter seven about husbands being saved by their wives actions. The word translated “conversation” here is an Old English word meaning lifestyle. Verse three says that wives should not be decorated with fancy hairstyles, jewelry and decorative clothes. Instead, your beauty should be the inward beauty of Women of God in the Old Covenant. You need that meek and quiet spirit which God says is your proper ornament.

Ladies, if you want to start off your home right you want a true man of God. You should not try to attract him by showing him your body. If he is attracted by that he is not a man of God. If you are using physical attraction to gain him what will happen some day when you don’t have the physical beauty that you once did?  Real men of God see beyond the physical and are mature enough to see the heart of a woman. Of course, this does not mean that there is any virtue in making oneself as unattractive as possible. Some people need a lesson in proper hygiene! The Word here tells us that women of God should follow Sarah’s example in submission to her husband Abraham. Let me also point out that women of God should not be dressed in a manner to be sexually alluring after they are married and that their husbands should not want them to be. I have never understood a man who allowed his wife to dress so that men lusted after her and then got jealous when men looked!

The woman of God here is mature enough to know that the man she wants is not lead by the flesh. The man she should want is a man who she can submit to from now on. Isn’t it amazing when women lure men to marriage with sexual images and then are shocked to find out that he is shallow? Wives submit to your own husbands and let your adorning be only the meek and quiet spirit that God says is beautiful.

When our family began to dress plain and stopped wearing clothes like our society does I started getting questions from some people. Several men asked me how I ever expected my daughters to get married! I explained to them that even at their young ages they had already had adult men ask to court them and that no little boys bothered to come around. Mature men of God want women who are not flirty and who have not slept around. They want women who will be good wives and mothers to their children. Men of the world want sexual beings who won’t age; women who are trinkets to hold on their arms in public and women who won’t put on any weight in childbirth. When you really think about it God’s way really is the best!

While you may think that what Peter said to women was cultural please compare Paul’s writing in 1st Timothy chapter two. His statements are almost word for word and are in agreement with what Peter penned. Why? Because both letters have the same author-God! In verses nine through fifteen we find more scripture to back this up. Before you start thinking that God is down on women let me remind you that these things He has given us are things that a good father would have his daughter do. He loves you and has a reason for your submission to your husband. Your role ladies, is to represent the church and its relationship to Christ.

I have one more passage regarding a wife’s role in the family. Turn to Titus chapter two. Your part is in verses three through five. Verse three speaks to older women. Let me point out that this should be your goal-a task to reach toward if you are a younger woman. Now look at what the older women should teach to the younger women in verses four and five. The young wives should be sober (moderate or disciplined), to love their husbands and to love their children. The younger women should be discreet (self controlled), chaste (pure) and to be keepers at home. Let me say that God’s best is for wives to be keepers at home. It doesn’t take much examining to see the flaw in a society that allows its children to be raised by others while both parents to work. I realize that there are some families that could not survive on one income but let me encourage you to work towards being a keeper at home. You’d be surprised at the difference in your family! Young wives are supposed to be good (v5). That’s sounds so basic but let me give you the full description of the Greek word for that. It means to be useful, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy, distinguished, excellent upright and honorable. Does your family see you this way? Wife, you should be the kind of woman that makes your husband successful with all that is in you. You should be the mother that is respected among other women. Finally in this verse the wife should be obedient to her husband. This is the same Greek word that was used in the two passages above for “submit” and “be subject to” and this time it is translated “to be obedient”.

I know that it feels like you were being singled out of the family but I am only beginning to look at the structure of the family. Please come back next week as we look at the role of the husband. Also, we are recording the messages that I preach on Sunday mornings and if you can’t watch live there will be a link to watch later.

Prayer-Father, help us to rebuild the home according to Your standards. When our flesh gets in the way help us to see it for what it is and to turn back to you. I pray for the wife who does not have a husband who is a Christian. I realize how hard it is to submit when logic says not to. May these ladies have the courage to step out in faith and to test Your Word. May they see miracles take place in the heart of their husband and children. Give them patience that their family might be saved.

In Jesus’ Name-Amen


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Philippians 3:13-14 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Filed under: God's Plan for the Happy Home, Messages

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